I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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