so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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