Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
