Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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