he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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