did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A+ Viking dick
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
