I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
