Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
