and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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