So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize