Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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