you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
