I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize