Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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