remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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