They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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