i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
