Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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