There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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