all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
