My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
