BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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