My liver just broke up with me...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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