I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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