I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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