I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
