you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
babies were throwing up all over the place
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
