i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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