I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We need to get me chipped asap
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
