It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
