yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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