so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
