My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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