Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize