If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
