Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize