Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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