just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
