im having a threesome with these popsicles
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
