My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
