You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
