So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
