You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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