don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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