By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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