I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
