i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
