I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The uberlube is also flammable
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize