So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
