What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
