4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
