Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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