That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
