can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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