i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
