My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
