you guys were way drunker than both of me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
