It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
