Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
