Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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