Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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