Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
