i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
