If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
