every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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