We named our party play list daddy issues
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
