Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize