The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
