I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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