it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
