At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
